“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Last Friday, I was involved in a car crash.
Thankfully, nobody was hurt, which is the most important part of the whole thing. Cars can be fixed, bodywork can be repaired, insurance companies can do their thing, and eventually life goes back to normal.
But when both drivers walk away untouched, that is the main win.
Everything else is just admin, inconvenience, and a test of how calmly you can handle something you never asked for.
I was turning left when a lorry clipped my car from behind and ripped the bodywork off enough that the car became illegal to drive.
It was lucky it only clipped me, because if it had hit me properly, the situation could have been a lot worse.
It was one of those moments where your mind naturally wants to replay everything and ask:
“What could I have done differently?”
But the honest answer was nothing.
He was coming from behind while I was already turning left, so I could not see him or control what he was doing. It was a split-second incident that I had zero control over, yet I was the one who then had to spend the next couple of days sorting out the mess that followed.
The other driver blamed me at the scene and said he had dashcam footage to prove it was my fault.
In that moment, I could have let my ego take over, puffed my chest out, argued back, and turned the side of the road into a pointless battle of who could shout the loudest.
But what would that have achieved?
It would not have fixed the car.
It would not have changed what happened.
And it definitely would not have helped the situation.
So I stayed calm, took photos, gathered what I needed, and agreed to disagree.
I even welcomed the dashcam footage because, from my point of view, if it showed something I had missed, then fair enough.
Ironically, that footage still has not appeared.
What struck me afterward was how much of my time was taken up by something that happened in a split second.
Over the next two days, I spent around ten hours sorting the admin, getting the car recovered, speaking to the insurance company, dealing with the garage, arranging repairs, speaking to the recovery team, and then sourcing a rental car and going to fetch it.
I was supposed to be going to golf that day as well, with a full day planned with friends, but that had to be cancelled.
The car now will not be back until mid-August, so one small moment I could not control has created weeks of inconvenience.
But this is where life gives you a choice.
You can either accept the situation for exactly what it is, or you can mentally fight with it for days afterward.
I could have sat there getting angry about the lorry driver blaming me, frustrated about missing golf, annoyed about the car, anxious about driving again, and replaying every possible “what if” scenario in my head.
But none of that would have helped.
All it would have done is add more stress, more anxiety, and more negative energy to a situation that had already taken enough of my time.
That does not mean I felt nothing.
I think I was calm and collected for the next few days, but probably in a bit of shock as well, even though it was only a clip and not a huge impact.
But there is a difference between feeling shaken by something and allowing your mind to turn it into a bigger monster than it needs to be.
That is where the ego can run away with us.
The ego wants justice straight away.
It wants to be proved right.
It wants the other person to admit they were wrong.
It wants to win the argument.
But sometimes trying to win the argument costs you more peace than the original incident did.
There was no point getting angry at the scene, so I did not.
There was no point creating a heated fight with someone I was probably never going to see again, so I did not.
There was no point letting my imagination run wild with:
“What if he had hit me harder?”
“What if this happens again?”
because those thoughts would only create fear and anxiety around driving.
The truth was simple:
The car was damaged.
Nobody was hurt.
The admin needed to be done.
My plans had changed.
That was the reality in front of me, and the only thing I could do was deal with it calmly and move on.
I think sobriety teaches you a lot about this, because when you remove alcohol and chaos from your life, you start to realise how much energy you used to waste reacting to things.
This is also one of the main ideas behind Stoic Sobriety — learning to control your response, not the world around you.
I know the old version of me could easily have made that situation worse.
I could have argued, spiralled, catastrophised, then carried the anger into the rest of the day and probably the whole weekend.
But what does that actually do?
It does not change what happened.
It just means the incident keeps taking from you long after it has already happened.
And that is the bit I want you to think about today.
When something happens that you cannot control, what do you usually do next?
Do you get angry?
Do you blame someone?
Do you let your ego take over?
Do you replay it for days?
Do you create ten imaginary arguments in the shower?
Do you turn one bad moment into a whole week of emotional chaos?
Or can you pause, take a breath, accept what has happened, and deal with the next practical step in front of you?
Acceptance is not weakness.
It does not mean you let people walk all over you, and it does not mean you do not follow things up properly.
I still took photos, contacted insurance, arranged recovery, sorted the garage, and did everything that needed doing.
But I did not need to lose myself in the process.
That is the difference.
You can be calm and still take action.
You can disagree with someone without turning it into a fight.
You can be frustrated without letting frustration become your personality for the next few days.
Life will keep throwing things at us that we do not control.
Cars get damaged.
Plans get cancelled.
People blame us.
Mistakes happen.
And sometimes we end up dealing with consequences that were not really ours to begin with.
But the real question is whether we add more suffering on top of the situation by letting our anger, ego, and fear take over.
Sometimes the damage is not just the thing that happened.
It is the hours we spend mentally fighting it afterward.
So, today’s Ramble is a reminder for me as much as anyone else.
Control what you can.
Deal with what is in front of you.
And do not let a moment you could not control consume more of your life than it already has.
The car is a material possession.
It can be fixed.
The admin is annoying, but it can be sorted.
The golf day was missed, but there will be others.
The main win is that both drivers walked away untouched, and when you strip away the ego, that is what actually matters.
Have you had any situations lately that you handled well, or that you think you could have handled better?
Reflecting on these moments can help all of us respond more consciously if something similar comes up again.
I have refrained from talking about the World Cup until the very end because I wanted something useful to discuss in the email.
Unlike the useless tactics of putting five deep for the last thirty minutes against one of the best teams in the world.
I have accepted it, like every World Cup, and will eagerly await the next World Cup, which is a little closer to home in Europe.
Roll on the Premier League in a month.
Much love,
Sean
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